Monday, December 29, 2008

My tiny little preemie is a MOOSE

Well, Gavin is getting so big that these milestones have occurred in just 24 hours:
- While out shopping, my darling husband casually said, "He's HEAVY! You know, I don't know how Moms can do this!" while he was carrying him in the Bjorn through Target. Oh honey, ain't that the truth?
- I boxed up Gavin's 0-3 month clothes and had to break out the 3-6 month clothes. Then I took a look at the 6-9 month clothes and realized... they almost fit. Huh? And then I opened up the preemie/newborn box and realized, he was wearing these 2-3 months ago... and they're half his length now.
- Gavin went to his 4 month appointment. 16 pounds, 9.5 ounces! Oh. My. Gosh. Uhm, excuse me, but did anyone else know it's already December? I mean, that it's almost January? How did that happen??!
- I cleaned my room and found his hospital anklet. It's approximately the size of a thumb ring for my husband. I bawled like a baby (I hate the sap that I've become) (OK, I mean the additional magnitude to my sap, I guess) at the tiny little sight of it.

Ugh, this is just going waaaay too fast. It feels like I was on that C Section table about a year ago, but I was holding him in the NICU about 2 or 3 weeks ago. By that weirdly-perceived math, I'll be driving this kid to college by the time school's out for this school year. And by the way, is this how ALL moms feel? Why couldn't we listen when others told us how fast this would go? Does this mean my mom was right about everything else? Uh-Oh.



Friday, December 26, 2008

Gavin loves Christmas!

Well, it's official. Gavin was good enough this year to get a visit from the big man in the red suit. Books and toys and college money, OH MY! No coal for this kid!

Noteworthy events from this Christmas:
- Dad got Gavin cool blocks and crinkle plush toys.
- Mom got Gavin books (ugh, teachers...)
- The puppet that the Berglund grandparents got him made him cry. It's just a silly, mixed up robot with green and gold and crossed eyes, but Gavin cried and cried when it was held up in front of him. Weirdly, it wasn't scary the next day.
- The TriBot that the Sipe grandparents got him is a fusion of technology and personality, for ages 8+. Hmmm, we'll show those toymakers a thing or two! (Good thing Dan is 8+)
- Gavin got adorable clothing as gifts from people, as usual! He's the best dressed kid we know!

One Christmas gift Gavin gave his parents was the gift of sleeping through the whole night - from 7 pm until 7 am. Too bad this was the night Dan was on the clock to address Gavin's needs all night, as Kate was on the clock the night before... when the little darling woke up 3 times! Doh!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Santa's Favorite... boyeee

Ah... look at the little baby, flashing gang signs. Gavin's first Christmas is just around the corner! We got him a ton of books and some blocks. We already have plenty of what he really wants (formula & diapers). Hey, we know he wants them because he cries until he gets them - daily! So we thought we'd get some toys too.


Gavin's a little bit picky about his toys so far. He has so many toys (thank you, friends and family!) that I had to buy toy storage for a 1 month old! But he likes one toy, and one toy only. And that's his light green dino rattle. It's the only toy that he plays with and looks at. He will hold onto that rattle like it's the key to life. But all of his other toys mean nothing so far. So... the two collectors and hobbyists have a minimalist son? That's weird. Maybe an 800 square foot house will work just fine afterall...




Sunday, December 21, 2008

Gavin this Winter



Well, this is Gavin's first snow! I think he likes looking at it from indoors, but yesterday when we were taking cookies to neighbors he seemed not to like the cold. He whimpered, cuddled into a little ball in his baby bjorn, and went to sleep.

We're all snowed in this winter and we get to see what Gavin's life is like! We eat when we're hungry, we sleep when we're sleepy, and we just change out of our PJs when they're dirty - into new PJs. Ahhh, Dan and I are lovin the life of a baby! Today is Day #5 of our snow-in.

Gavin is beginning to hold his head high by himself. He smiles when he sees his favorite people. His baby babble will absolutely melt hearts. We really enjoy this little guy.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Saturday, November 15, 2008

If he looks like me, and he's adorable, am I vain?

Baby Dan, brand new, 1977

Baby Gavin, brand new, 2008

Baby Gavin ~ 2 1/2 months, 2008

Baby Kate ~ a few months, 1976 or '77

Friday, October 31, 2008

A bunny for Halloween


Gavin was a little bunny for Halloween. We visited Dan at work, we trick or treated a few neighbors, and we bought cinnamon pine cones. Our pumpkin never got carved because we ran out of time! Gavin rubbed off most of his whiskers and his bunny nose by the time we came home from our friends' party. Apparently he likes wearing make up as much as I do!

Friday, October 24, 2008

He's finally due!

As I approached our due date, I just couldn’t believe that Gavin is still supposed to be in there! He is just over 8 pounds now. His eyes are still a gorgeous oceany, almost navy blue. He goes from zero to sixty in about 15 seconds: he whimpers a little, and within the minute he screams like he's on fire! He's our little ticking time bomb.

For my birthday, he and I got a donut with a friend. She told a story and when I repeated the line “four pregnancy tests!!??” he smiled a very big, and very intentional smile. It wasn’t gas this time! And then he just kept smiling! I kept saying “four pregnancy tests!!??” and he just kept on smiling! It was the best gift ever. He looked right at me with that heart-melting smile. I can see why parents work so hard to see their kids smile like that. He has made my life much richer. I think he is absolutely amazing. We are so honored.

Friday, October 3, 2008

How can he be a month old?

This week, Dan went back to work so it was just Gavin and me. Feeding him, playing with him, and keeping him happy are very easy so far, but he is still so hard to give a bath to! What a slippery little bugger.

We took him to a photo shoot this week. Four quick weeks old. 7 little pounds, 3 tiny ounces. Gavin peed 3 or 4 times during the shoot - naked! What a leaky little faucet! And just when we thought we got the pee under control, he pood all over the photographer’s ottoman! So gross. So funny.

This week, Gavin stuck his tongue out at Dan and then smiled a smile so wide, I could see it from behind Gavin's head! His first! I would have given anything to see that smile. When Dan talks, Gavin has always paid close attention and he's very expressive. They are the perfect pair; Dan tells a good story and Gavin has great reactions. I hope they are always close. I will always recall how widely he opened his eyes at the hospital when Dan spoke. Dan was the only one who could hold his attention that first week! It's wonderful to see one of the loves of my life so in love with the other.

He has a smirky half smile (that Dan says came from me. What? I do that?); he has a dimpled cheeks (that looks just like mine); and the top of his cheek bumps into the bottom of his eye, making his eyes smile into little slits. Sometimes I think I'm looking into a time-machine-mirror.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Two weeks old!

* NAKED * BABY * ALERT * So far this kiddo seems to love life. He smiles a little bit; he is very pleasant to be around; and he has this sweet, polite cry when he needs something. His angry, frustrated cry comes much later. Gavin makes sweet sounds when he's held by family members, and he breathes with sighs when he eats from his bottle.

We have given him a few baths and each time, we crack up! At first, it's obvious that it's pure torture. After a few minutes, his mad cry tapers down to a questioning cry - still crying but seemingly not sure why. After a few minutes of that, he actually enjoys taking a bath. He has a “ha-ha… ha-ha” cry that just kills me. It’s the sweetest, least convincing cry I’ve ever heard. When that calm comes over him, he opens his eyes wide, looks around, and even reaches out for Dan and me. The best part is washing his hair at the end of the bath. He adores getting his hair washed! Doesn't everyone?

During the first two weeks, Gavin learned to open his other eye (no longer Dan's little pirate); he started grabbing at pacifiers; he took his first naps on Dan’s and my chests; and his cord fell out on his two week birthday – tonight! Everyone says he is a very beautiful baby. And it’s so true. He has lovely skin, gorgeous blue eyes, sweet expressions, and incredible thick, brown hair. I can’t get enough of him!

Being someone's mom is so hard. I think I will never be able to tell him how much I love him. How will he know!? He was a perfect stranger, and then he became everything in the whole world to me. My life changed the second I saw him. He makes me better. I have never loved someone so wholly. We’re so excited to see what he's going to do in this life.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Bringing a new roommate home

Around 2:00 am, a few hours after the C-section, I had enough control back in my legs to go meet the baby. I climbed out of bed with the help of Dan and two nurses, into the wheelchair. It was probably one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done! And it HURT! My nurse summed it up well when she said, "I'm just gunna throw this out there... this is gunna suck." It did.

When I met Gavin in the nursery, he was a tangle of monitors: heart rate, oxygen, and lung. And he was on an IV. I couldn’t move well; all I could do is reach up to touch his heel. I felt small and useless. I couldn't hold my baby; I could barely touch him; his care was 100% out of my control and I had so much healing to do, I couldn't jump right in and be his mom just yet. His was the smallest foot I’ve ever seen. He was 5 pounds, 9 ounces at birth. His stay in the special care nursery began with extra oxygen, since his lungs were a little bit sticky still. His breath had a sigh upon every exhale. Each day the nurses and doctors liked what they saw in Gavin. He started eating breastmilk and formula every 3 hours - 1/6 of an ounce per serving! In a few days' time, he was up to 50 mL per serving. He spent 3 or 4 days in the incubator. We trekked out to get some smaller outfits, when the nurses graduated him out of the incubator and into a crib. We knew we needed preemie sized clothes when we couldn't stop laughing at the sight of Gavin in his newborn sized clothes. The child looked like he was playing dress up.

Life changed forever & for better on September 9, 2008, when we brought baby Gavin home with us. We know we are so lucky. When we put all of our bags down, we looked at each other and said, “Now what?” It's hard to remember what this house and this life was like without him. After 5 weeks in and out of the hospital, we were definitely ready to have our son at home with us.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

The baby kicks his way out... 6 or 7 weeks early

This is the hectic story of August 2008. My mom called me and asked me to go to Harbor View to be with her dad, Ken, because she didn’t want him to be by himself after his stroke and helicopter lift from Sequim. When my mom and Lilly (Grandpa's wife) arrived at the hospital, I grabbed my mom's hand and held it on my stomach, when I was having a contraction. I thought they Braxton-Hicks. My mom almost never tells people what to do, but she said, “You need to go see your doctor!”

Within 2 hours of leaving Harbor View and my Grandpa's side, I was admitted to Northwest Hospital myself, in pre-term labor.

For the next month, doctors couldn’t get the contractions under control. They were certainly trying! We tried 5 different medications. After 4 weeks of trying combinations of the drugs, we thought we had gotten it solved. During the four weeks, we stayed overnight at the hospital 14 nights and had to check in 6 different times. Driving to the hospital and checking in is a scary process, partly for safety concerns, but also because we didn't know if we were going to be parents early or on time. The baby's survival chances were terrific (only slightly less than a normal term baby). But the unknown is frightening. In hindsight, the funniest moment of the whole month was when we were speaking to one of the more serious, somber doctors and I shouted, "But we haven't even taken our class yet!" The feeling of unpreparedness was absolutely overwhelming.

Twice we had to go back to the hospital on the same night as we had just gotten sent home because the contractions were stronger than the medication. One medication made my blood pressure too low and another medication made the amniotic fluid too low. Both prolonged my hospital stays. One of the medications was horrible: it made me feel hopeless, hot, dizzy, worn out (but not sleepy), and like I had the flu. It really worked to knock out the contractions but on it, the hospital monitors your vitals every 2 hours; your blood every 6 hours; and your reflexes every 2 or 4 hours. In addition to flu-like symptoms, they monitor your intake of fluids and your urine output. I’d have to say August was the worst month of my life and Magnesium Sulfate is the worst experience I've ever had.

During the hospital stays, my mom and I realized that I had been in labor since mid-July. We traced it back to a lunch date from which I went home early. This means that when Gavin misbehaves, I get to say "I was in labor for 6 weeks with you!" I even confirmed it with my doctors. Look out, kid. One wrong step...

During one of the hospital stays, on August 9th, the doctors at Northwest Hospital got very concerned about two things. The first was that their special care nursery could only care for infants that were early by 8 weeks. They couldn’t take care of preemies that were younger than 32 weeks along. At this time, our baby was either 30 or 31 (unknown because the doctors all disagreed on my actual due date). The other concern was that my cervix was dilating. They tested us for the “I’m on my way” hormone babies release, and we tested positive for that. So Dan drove behind my ambulance, as we were taken to Swedish Hospital in Seattle. We thought we were going to have a baby that night or the next night!

My body seemed peaceful for the first time in about a week, the afternoon that miraculously, my contractions stopped and my Grandpa passed away. I could see his hospital from my hospital room, and a gorgeous sunset lit Harbor View up in a crystal clear skyline. I was thanking the universe and the baby and my body for calming down, finally, and at 1 cm dilated at the 30 week mark, I felt my first bout of hope since the initial check-in. I was rubbing my belly, giving the sleeping baby a hug, as my mom called to tell me that my Grandpa had passed away. It happened earlier that afternoon, right when the contractions stopped.

I think they would have enjoyed one another greatly. My Grandpa was kind, gentle, fair, compassionate, and honest. He was one of the nicest men I have ever known. I know he would have loved to hold our baby in his arms like he has held his other great grandchildren. But I’m so glad my baby stayed in to finish growing. Grandpa passed away on August 10th when he was 84 years old. He had a wonderful life; two amazing wives, 5 incredible children, 10 awesome grandchildren, and 12 beautiful great grand children. And this one on the way! What a rich, full life he had. I am proud to be his granddaughter.

On August 11th, Dan and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary. We had thai food for dinner and hospital cake for dessert.

Four weeks after going to the first doctor’s appointment and first hospital check-in, Dan helped me clean up the living room to host book club. As soon as the girls arrived, we started talking about the book and my water broke! After all the baby and I had been through (all the medications, hospitalizations, fear, and worry) it was a little bit funny that my water just broke.

The water broke at 7:30. The doctor was telling us the C-section plan at 8:30. They rolled me in for the C-section at 9:30, and I was back in the room at 10:30. No one moves you right through delivery like Dr. Frankwick and Northwest Hospital!

Dr. Matin and Dr. Frankwick did the C-section together. At the beginning of the surgery, I was terrified and couldn't control the shaking. The thought of cutting my belly open to get him out, the stitches to close it up, and the possibility that he might not be 100% safe were all terrifying to me. Through my head ran vivid, bright bloody red pictures of what a C-section looks like, complete with huge butcher knives and football-like stitches. And of course, in my head there was blood all over everything. Dan, the doctors, and my hero, the man who made my legs numb (and then talked my ear off through the surgery) all helped me relax. In fact, I didn’t even know that the surgery had started until I heard Dr. Frankwick say, “suction” I said, “What? We started?!”

By the end of the C-section, I was chatting like old friends with the anesthesiologist and surgeon. The anesthesiologist was saying he has never had an epidural and one day he'd like to try it out to see what it's like. I told him he wasn't missing much. And the surgeon is a quilter so I told her all about my new longarm quilting machine. I could not stop loving those two. I was freaking out and asked everyone "What do I do about the urge to cross my legs?" and the anesthesiologist said "Go ahead!" and then laughed himself silly. For such a scary operation, I had a funny and fun team slicing me open to pull my kid out. What a weird night.

I felt some pressure, heard a little pop, and I could hear a tiny, squeaky cry from the baby. It was a calm cry, more like babbling than crying. It was so small, in fact, that it sounded like it was in another room. I remember asking "Is that my baby?" Dan walked over to meet him and take his picture. Then Dan brought him to me. He was just perfect. He wasn’t too fussy; he had a great color; he layed peacefully in Dad’s arms; and I fell in love with him instantly. The doctors were so pleased that he could breathe on his own. We all really didn't know what to expect.

Looking at your baby for the first time is something I will never ever forget. Though I had been telling Dan this is the only baby we're going to have for over a month, I looked at this baby and decided on at least one more before they even stitched me back up. I have such awe that I could love someone so much after just meeting them. I have never loved someone more.